Have you ever had a boss who really was a complete jerk? I hope you don't have one right now. I'm talking about the boss who is intimidating, mean, or abusive. Or, more innocuous, but no less jerky, are the weak jerks: The boss who pretends things are up to you when they are not. The boss who doesn't keep track of what's going on but then makes big decisions that affect everyone. The boss who soft-pedals his authority until something goes terribly wrong and then comes in and chews you out. The boss who lets small problems slide but comes down like a ton of bricks when a small problem gets out of control. And then finally, you have the compulsive jerks: The boss who imposes his obsessions on you, or the boss who wants you to be a beck-and-call-assistant.

If you think your boss is a jerk, the first question you should ask yourself is this: Is it really the boss or is it YOU?

If you have allowed yourself to be undermanaged by this boss, then you and the boss have not been covering the basics in your management relationship. That means you probably haven't been engaging in a regular one-on-one dialogue with this boss about your work for this boss. You probably haven't been working with your boss to make sure your boss's expectations for your performance have been spelled out clearly every step of the way. You probably haven't been helping your boss monitor, measure and document your performance on an ongoing basis. You probably have not been getting the guidance, direction, feedback, and recognition you need to succeed in this relationship. Without regular daily or weekly management conversations with a strong focus, you and this boss have no natural venue in which to discuss how your work is going -- right, wrong, or average. Probably the only time you end up talking with this boss is when 'something is going wrong' and the two of you realize that you absolutely must talk about the work.

Then, it is no wonder the relationship with this boss is not going well! No wonder you think this boss is a jerk!

Before you give up on this boss, take a giant step back. Start over. Don't try to fix the boss's jerkiness. Rather, just try to start managing this boss into a successful working relationship. Figure out who this boss really is and what this boss really needs and wants from you. Start engaging in regular one-on-ones with this boss and help the boss really spell out expectations for your performance. Help the boss by monitoring, measuring, and documenting your own performance in relation to those expectations. If you are doing all of that -- working to customize your approach to whatever works for this boss and with this boss -- on a consistent basis, then it should be downright easy to tell if the problem is you or if the boss really is a jerk. Until you do that hard work, you can't be sure the boss is really the jerk, and not you.